Wesley Corpus

"J have long been ina kind of dead and lifeless state, having lost those pleasing tastes of God's love I once enjoyed. J have not been able to find any delight in prayer; nor could I pray from my heart. If I forced myself to pray, (for it was a grievous cross,) shame covered my face, and I durst scarce lift up my eyes, conscious of my own unfaithfulness to God, and my negligence in watching. All intercourse was stopped between God and my soul. Indeed, when I have been praying with or speaking to others, I have often found the Spirit of God enlivening my own soul; but when I came before God in secret, intending to pour out my complaint before him, my mouth hath been stopped, and the devil presently whispered, ' What profit is it that you pray If I persevered notwithstanding, my mind has been filled with a thousand impertinent thoughts, so that I was either forced from my knees, or could only sigh or groan underneath my misery: my heart seemed harder and harder, so that I verily thought I should at length become a castaway. But, blessed be God, I have for some time found a revival of love, and have had more communion with God than for a long season. O may it be my constant care to watch and pray; the neglect of which was the Journal I. 22 Nias Tope vie! 334 REV. J. WESLEY'S JOURNAL. May, 1745 chief cause of my former deadness. The levity and inconstancy of mind which used to oppress me, I find greatly taken away; and, at present, (God grant it may always continue,) the remembrance of thern i is griev ous to me. I often find great sweetness in my soul, and can weep for my past ingratitude to God. O pray for me, dear sir, if you love me, that I may never more resist his grace! "T cannot tell you how much I think myself obliged to you, under God, for all your care, reproofs, and kindnesses. May God reward you! and may I never, never make an ill use of them ; but love and reverence you, and praise God for his love, in making you a happy instrument of good to my soul. "'THo. Meyrick."