Wesley Corpus

"My friends affirm I am mad, because I said I was not a Christian a year ago. I affirm, I am not a Christian now. Indeed, what I might have been I know not, had I been faithful to the grace then given, when expecting nothing less, I received such a sense of the forgiveness of my sins, as till thenI never knew. But that Iam not a Christian at this day, I as assuredly know, as that Jesus is the Christ. For a Christian is one who has the fruits of the Spirit of Christ, which (to mention no more) are love, peace, joy. But these Ihave not. I have not any love of God. I do not love either the Father or the Son. Do you ask, how doI know whether I love God, I answer by another question, ' How do you know, whether you love me?? Why, as you know, whether you are hot or cold. You feel' this moment, that you do or do notlove me. And I feel this moment, I do not love God; which therefore I know, because I feel it. There is no word more proper, more clear, or more strong. " And I know it also by St. John's plain rule, 'If any man love the lls REV. Js WESLEY'S JOURNAL. Jan. 1739. world, the love of the Father is not in him. For I love the world. I desire the things of the world, some or other of them, and have done all my life. I have always placed some part of my happiness in some or other of the things that are seen. Particularly in meat and drink, and in the company of those I loved. For many years I have been, yea, and still am, hankering after a happiness, in loving, and 'being loved by one or another. And in these I have 'from time to time taken more pleasure than in God. Again, joy in the Holy Ghost I have not. I have now and then some starts of joy in God: but it is not that joy. For it is not abiding. Neither is it greater than I have had on some worldly occasions. So that I can in no wise be said to ' rejoice evermore ;' much less to ' rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory.'