Wesley Corpus

'My MOST DEAR AND HONOURED FATHER IN Curist, In the twentieth year of my age, 1737, God was pleased to open my eyes, and to let me see that I did not live as became a child of God. I found my sins were great, (though I was what they call a sober person,) and that God kept an account of them all. However, I thought if I repented, and led a good life, God would accept me. AndsoI went on for about halfa year, and had sometimes great joy. But last winter, I began to find, that whatever I did, was nothing; and the enemy of souls laid so many things to my charge, that sometimes I despaired of heaven. I continued in great doubts and fears till April 9, when I went out of town. Here, for a time, f was greatly transported in seeing the glorious works of God: but in about three weeks I was violently assaulted again. God then offered a Saviour to me; but my self righteousness kept me from laying hold on him. On Whitsunday I went to receive the blessed sacrament; but with a heart as hard as a stone. Heavy laden I was indeed, when God was pleased to let me see a crucified Saviour. I saw there was a fountain opened in his side for me to wash in and be clean. But alas! JI was afraid to venture, fearing I should be too presumptuous. And I know I at that time refused the atonement which I might then have had. Yet I received great comfort. But in about nine days' time, my joy went out, as a lamp does for want of oil, and I fell into my old state. Yet I was not without hope; for ever after that time I could not despair of salvation: I had so clear a sight of the fountain opened in the side of our Lord. But still when J thought of death, or the day of judgment, it was a great terror to me. And yet I was afraid to venture to lay all my sins upon Christ.