Wesley Corpus

O the load my spirit bears, The mountain of my grief! Full of cruel doubts and fears, Of racking unbelief: 43"Shall" changed to "shalt" in 2nd edn. (1745) and following. Page 63 Did I ever thee behold? Thee did I ever truly know? I can neither keep my hold, Nor let my Saviour go. Did I not my soul deceive With groundless hopes of heaven? Did I, Lord, indeed believe, And was I once forgiven? Still I ask, but no reply: O bid me, bid me come to thee: Son of David, hear my cry, If mercy is for me. Hear me still myself bemoan, A bullock to the yoke Unaccustom'd I rush on O that my heart were broke! Long I after thee have mourn'd, And still unpitied I complain, Turn me, and I shall be turn'd, And never sin again. Me thou would'st not disregard, Were I indeed sincere, But my heart, alas! Is hard, And void of love, and fear; Seldom can I lift mine eyes, Or offer thee an hearty groan; Take, if thou would'st have me rise, O take away the stone. Another The Backslider. Part I. Ah! My dear, loving Lord, To thee what shall I say? Behold I tremble at thy word, And scarce presume to pray: Page 64 Ten thousand wants have I, Alas! I all things want, And thou hast bid me always cry, And never, never faint. Yet now, thou know'st, I fear, I fear to ask thy grace, So often have I, Lord, drawn near, And mock'd thee to thy face: With all pollutions stain'd, Thy hallow'd courts I trod, Thy name and temple I prophan'd And dar'd to call thee God. Nigh with my lips I drew, My lips were all unclean, Thee with my heart I never knew, My heart was full of sin; Far from the living God, As far as hell from heaven, Thy purity I still abhor'd, Nor wish'd44 to be forgiven. My nature I obey'd, My own desires45 pursu'd, And still a den of thieves I made The hallow'd house of God; The worship he approves To him I would not pay; My selfish ends, and creature-loves Had stole my heart away.